Let's Get AP Lit

Seeing my father, or any grown man for that matter, cry is not an occurrence with which I am very familiar. The implications that result from my strongest male role model breaking down are astounding. Yet, I have witnessed his sadness more this summer than I ever have in all my 17 years. Times are changing, I’m growing up, and this realization is taking its toll on everyone around me.

The first time, this summer, that my father shed a tear was when I disembarked from the airplane and saw him for the first time in 6 months. Outpourings of affection are common at this time, so I won’t hold it against him. I cried too.

The next came as a surprise, though it could have heavily been induced by the situation we found ourselves in. My father and I were on a college visit road trip, spanning from Florida to North Carolina. We were halfway through our 5-day trip, having just finished up a tour at Emory University, when we suddenly rear-ended the Jeep in front of us. The van, our roommate’s van, was totaled. And my father completely broke down. While I was worrying about getting out of the van and making sure no one was hurt, he was crying like a child. The most astonishing part was that he wasn’t crying because of the van. He was crying because he had thought he had ruined my future, simply by keeping me from visiting a few colleges. It was a notion that, in the midst of the trauma, I couldn’t comprehend. But now I see how important the future can mean, and how easily it could be taken away.

My father and I once more allowed ourselves a tear when I said my final goodbyes of the summer. This was different from the many times we had enacted this scene before, though, as we both realized something had changed. I had been flying out to see my dad every summer for the past 11 years, but with my future fast approaching, we both knew that it might be my last. Of course I would still see him, but there would be no more decorating of my room, no more summer reading at the library, no more “home away from home”.

It is in these tears, which we often find so difficult to share, that I uncovered an important truth: the future is coming faster than imagined, so I need to remember fondly the past and relish in the present that I have. And I am going to conclude this summer with a strong drive to work hard this year, so that I may meet my fate with open arms.

“Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley

As you may already know, my name is Jiliann (Jil) Brockman. I am (obviously and thankfully) a Senior at Skyview Academy. I chose this A.P. Literature class not just for its promise of challenge, but also for the joy of being able to fully delve into literature. Having the privilege to ignore my “real” world by slipping into someone else’s is a great pleasantry of life. I have read far too many books to name a favorite, keeping a tally of over one hundred, but my poor sentimental heart does indulge a fondness for poetry, the reigning creators being Edgar Allen Poe and E.E. Cummings.

Along with my passion for reading comes a devout appreciation of writing. It requires such a keen preciseness, as you can make or break any piece with something as “simple” as punctuation.  I am not yet certain in my craft, but I work towards becoming an author in my own right. I fully plan to take up an English major in college, so I may develop my skills, despite the gentle urges of reconsideration from my family.

 

Also, I am very much not prepared to be back in school, but I’m ready to conquer this year.

“Enter freely and of your own free will!” – Bram Stoker, Dracula