Dear (past) Jiliann,

I know you hate that name. You hate writing it, you hate hearing it, you hate being it.

But it is yours.

Your name will define you. It will be connected to every good and bad aspect of your being.

But it only belongs to you.

It belongs to your wandering eyes and your crooked smile and your messy hair.

It belongs to inside voice and your outside voice.

It belongs to every step you take, every place you’ve been.

Jiliann is smart.

Jiliann is clumsy.

Jiliann is beautiful.

Jiliann is sensitive.

Jiliann is kind.

Jiliann is weird.

Jiliann will be all of this and more.

And it will never matter what other names you or others give yourself because you already have your own.

When you leave this place, when you move on to (possibly) bigger and better things, know that you will always be carrying yourself with you.

You are not alone.

You will always have a name.

And as much as you despise this name now, you will learn to love the sound of it rolling off someone’s tongue.

You will see it written on papers and awards, and you will feel pride.

One day. you will give your hand, look them in the eye, and show them that you are Jiliann.

Goodnight Jiliann.

I love you.